Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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