I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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