I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
