i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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