I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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