I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
