well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
