my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
