saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
