Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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