i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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