apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
