i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize