If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
