Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
