there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
