Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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