Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.