Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4

Replies (18) Good night (5590) Bad night (780)
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(312): View more from Illinois

kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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(312): kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it. http://tfl.nu/8mle

Replies (71) Good night (793) Bad night (4852)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time

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(812): Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time http://tfl.nu/8x6u

Replies (6) Good night (3131) Bad night (965)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.

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(314): I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property. http://tfl.nu/21gv

Replies (3) Good night (1403) Bad night (660)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.

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(910): My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete. http://tfl.nu/yj31

Replies (2) Good night (3128) Bad night (689)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"

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(814): Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose" http://tfl.nu/62vb

Replies (5) Good night (1338) Bad night (588)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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(781): perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax. http://tfl.nu/ar2h

Replies (0) Good night (1131) Bad night (1409)
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(352): View more from Florida

As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back

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(352): As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back http://tfl.nu/26q8

Replies (6) Good night (1557) Bad night (688)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.

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(859): I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it. http://tfl.nu/qtph

Replies (9) Good night (790) Bad night (524)
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(613): View more from Ontario

All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now

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(613): All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now http://tfl.nu/hqky

Replies (4) Good night (1012) Bad night (556)
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(949): View more from California

Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.

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(949): Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto. http://tfl.nu/ns0m

Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (707)
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.

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(787): I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house. http://tfl.nu/o0ch

Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (319)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Our relationship needs a sober moment

(1-719): View more from Colorado

I'll call you when that happens

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(719): Our relationship needs a sober moment (1-719): I'll call you when that happens http://tfl.nu/srmb

Replies (0) Good night (569) Bad night (332)
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(631): View more from New York

Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.

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(631): Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on. http://tfl.nu/pysj

Replies (3) Good night (649) Bad night (403)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.

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(602): I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad. http://tfl.nu/26xd

Replies (3) Good night (199) Bad night (400)

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