im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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