I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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