My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.