No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.