she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
