dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
