he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
