I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
