Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
