I didn't shave. On purpose
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
