I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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