Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
