He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
