Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
