i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
