Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
