I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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