I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
