Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I cannot find my penis.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
