The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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