he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
