Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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