My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
