i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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