is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
