he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize