There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
