What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
