FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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