get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
