I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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