smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
