3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
