your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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