I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
