Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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