I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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