disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
