I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
