so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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