my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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