Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
