I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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