We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
honey bunches of taint.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
