theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
