Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
