you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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