Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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