you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
