So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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